Full Time/ Until Untimely Death
Undersea/ Volcano/ Moon
Evil Genius, Dr. Equinox is looking for an executive assistant to assist with endeavors to claim his rightful place as ruler of Earth.
- Absorbing Dr. Equinox’s copious rage when he is displeased.
- Dispatching those who cross or impede Dr. Equinox.
- Liaise with contractors to facilitate building of secret lairs.
- Cat care.
- Manage divisions of minions and delegate responsibility accordingly.
- Oversee Solar Death Ray maintenance.
- Seduction of meddlesome secret agents (female applicants only).
- 3 years of experience in an assistant role, supporting senior level megalomaniac.
- MUST BE UNFLINCHINGLY LOYAL. Any acts of betrayal, mutiny, or sedition will result in immediate termination (yes, that means what you think it does).
- Eagerness to sacrifice meaningless life for noble boss.
- Ability keep composure and spout menacing bon mots and puns in a very fast-paced, high-pressure environment.
- Ideal candidate has some kind of unique adornment/ deformity to use in villainous activity (Razor Hat; Metal Teeth; Mechanical Hands)
- Proficiency in Excel.
- Willingness to relocate, work flexible hours, and become Dr. Equinox’s paramour/ sexual plaything (FEMALE APPLICANTS ONLY!!!).
- Heightened disdain for so-called humanity and all of its insect-like quibbling preferred.
About Our Company
Dr. Equinox is an astrophysicist and former NASA engineer. In 1977 he stared directly at a solar eclipse for too long and saw the true face of God, going simultaneously blind and mad in the process. Since then he has dedicated his life to creating cutting edge technology for the subjugation of the intellectually inferior scum who currently rule the planet.